Chapter 14
Have-Do-Be
Herb has decided the worm is nothing more than a trickster. Today, he's come to eat him.
Herb clenches his teeth as his frustration reaches a boiling point. "Enough of these riddles! It's breakfast time!"
Then he reaches for the worm.
Just as he does, a terrifying sound fills the air. It's the dog barking. He's at the glass door of the house, scratching to get out.
"Herb, go behind the bucket. Get out of the dog's sight."The worm calmly suggests.
Herb quickly jumps behind the bucket, shaking in terror.
"His excitement won't last long if he can't see you," the worm says in a reassuring voice. "Just give him a minute, and then you can get on with eating me."
While Herb crouches low to the ground, the worm continues as if nothing unusual is happening. "Herb, while you’re back there, let me see if I can help you with your question. There are a couple of ways to answer it. Let me start with how most animals live their lives. They start with what they want to have. For example: I want to have a strong body so I can move fast and avoid being eaten, so I can be confident and free. Maybe a hedgehog wants to have a warm, well-protected burrow so he can raise a big family safely, so he can be a good parent. Or, like I used to think: I want to have intelligence so I can think and strategize better than anyone else, so I can be important"
"Yeah, that's normal. Everyone lives that way. Herb’s attention shifts back to the worm now that the dog has calmed down."
"Exactly! I call this the Have-Do-Be way of living life. We think we need to have something, so we can do something, so we can be somebody. But this means who we are is a slave to the things we have, or want to have."
"Yeah, that's life. What's wrong with that?"
"Go ahead and live like that if you want. And it'll work—until it doesn't. But ask yourself: Is life really and fundamentally that way? Think about it. If I were so attached to my body, and thought the only way to be free and peaceful is if I was strong, then as an old worm, I’d lose my ability to be free and peaceful as soon as my body was no longer strong. And if you lost your burrow, you would’ve lost who you were as a good dad. The Have-Do-Be way of living means that who we create ourselves to be is a particular type of physical body or house or title or thing. And anytime we build ‘who we are’ based on a thing—a thing that inevitably will be lost—then who we are is easily lost. If that isn’t bad enough, anyone or anything that has the power to take away that ‘thing’ can control who you are.”
The worm's words hit Herb like a brick. He remembers how he felt after the dog destroyed their burrow, and how he felt like he was a failure as a father.
The dog has gone quiet. The fear of the beast starts to fade into the background as the worm’s logic sparks Herb’s curiosity.
"Isn't that just reality?" Herb asks. The worm’s words are making more sense now.
"What if there was another way to look at it? What if you could flip the script?” the worm asks."
“What do you mean?”
“Well, let me ask you a question. How do the other animals describe you? I don’t mean what you look like. I mean who you are to them.”
Herb thinks about his discussion with Morgen and Charlie. “It’s interesting that you’re asking me that. I just asked them the same question yesterday.”
“Okay, what’d they say?”
"They said I was caring, responsible, and that I was a little negative and stressed."
“And how do you feel about those descriptions of you, Herb?”
Herb shrugs. “I know there’s some truth to them.”
“And do you agree with them?”
“Mostly,” Herb confesses.
“So, you agree you’re showing up in the world in a certain way, both to yourself and others?”
“Yeah, mostly.”
“So, who you are being is caring, responsible, and somewhat negative and stressed. Is that who you choose to be?”
Herb thinks for a moment. "I would prefer to be more peaceful and fun."
"Okay, so what's stopping you?"
Herb gets defensive. "Well, I have so many things to do. I have to get fat when there's barely any food around. I have to take care of my family, who constantly need more and more from me. I have to avoid the dog." The frustration floods out of his voice. "And I have to do all of that while another hedgehog is actively trying to mess with my family. If I could get those things fixed, then I'd be different. Anybody would."
Eventually, Herb runs out of energy, and the sad reality of his life hits him.
The worm speaks slowly and softly: "See, Herb, you perfectly described the problem with the Have-Do-Be way of thinking. Thank you. Now we are ready to answer your question!"
